note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
