you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
