Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
