ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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