kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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