And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
