I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
