What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
