I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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