I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
