Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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