I'm pants shitting drunk right now
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
