that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
