So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
