Your tits are I can't wait for
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
