I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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