sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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