Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I am naked and annoyed.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
