wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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