I am spending my child support on dildos
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
