Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
A bitchslap is in order.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
