sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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