honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
