yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
