I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
