I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
