just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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