Me. At least after what I've been through.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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