I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
