I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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