you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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