I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i think i have herpe
just one?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
