omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
