Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
