He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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