Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
