all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
