When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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