My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize