i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
