As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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