I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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