I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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