I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
