I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
