we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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