shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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