I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
