i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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