my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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