dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
