My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
