Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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