Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
cat food counts as protein by the way
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
