I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
