I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
