The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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