It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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