I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
