maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize