And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
