Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
