we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
