You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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