I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
