Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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