my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
meet me or not, i'm out of control
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
