K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
