why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
