A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
