I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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