good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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